Today I learned that there are 40 grams of dry oatmeal in a serving. Honestly, that’s the dullest hook I’ve ever written.

But I promise it gets better.

Because a few seconds later, I checked the weight of a 1/2 cup of dry rolled oats, which is the imperial measurement for a serving: mine weighed between 53 and 55 grams.

While it’s only 15 grams, which is about 1/2 ounce, if you only speak imperial, and I may not have been perfectly precise since I didn’t level my oats, although I’ll argue that leveling can also result in packing the dry ingredient down, it can still add up, like in this scenario:

Let’s say you eat a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast. If it’s a 40 gram bowl, that’s 150 calories. If it’s a 55 gram bowl, it’s 206 calories — a difference of 46 calories. I know, we don’t count calories any more but I’m going to do it anyway.

And you do this 5 days a week because you love oatmeal or its health benefits or both.

46 x 5 = 230 calories

Now let’s say you eat that same imperially-measured bowl 5 days a week for 50 weeks of the year. Those other 2 weeks? Chalk them up to vacation, colonoscopy, whatever.

230 calories x 50 weeks = 11,500 calories

Here’s the fun part: divide those extra calories by the number of calories it takes to gain or lose a pound (3,500):

11,500 calories / 3,500 calories = 3.29

Hey, looky there! You gained 3 1/3 pounds that year thanks to the imperial system of measurement!

I realize 3 pounds a year isn’t much but after 2 years of that, my jeans are getting pretty snug.

And it works similarly for other grains too, like quinoa, where my 1/4 cup of dry, which is said to be a serving, weighed 50 grams instead of 43. My brown rice was closer: 55 grams in 1/4 cup rather than 50 grams, which is considered a serving.

I haven’t checked packaged, sugary cereal since I’ve removed all of that from my house (after I told sugar to fuck itself), but I’m assuming it works out similarly.

I want to turn this into a conspiracy by big food and ultimately big pharma. I mean, I remember the 1970s and the push to switch to metric — but we obstinately declined. Pushed back, in fact. I doubt that big food was involved. It was likely more that we just didn’t really want to figure out how to convert 24 degrees Celsius to Fahrenheit, altho there’s really no reason to convert. Just appreciate the beautiful day.

What does Big Food have to gain? You eat more, you buy more. Big Pharma? They have drugs to combat the issues associated with carrying around extra weight (hello Ozempic and the meds to ease the pain of hip surgery, knee replacement, maybe some orthotics for your foot, etc.).

Sure, it’s a stretch. But still, it’s something to think about. Particularly if you keep up your imperially measured oatmeal habit for 5 years or 15 pounds. Add the fashion industry to the mix then. Maybe also a gym membership.

Message: get a good scale and use it for everything. IKEA has a great little kitchen scale for about $10. Worth every dime.