What’s in a label? That which we call “added sugars,” along with a lot of other info too. The newer U.S. food labels, which finally made their required way to most products between 2020 and 2021 (just in time to be reworked in 2025) are full of great information and probably even better intentions.

The FDA nutrition labels we’re using now changed in a few ways:

• different nutrient requirements
• realistic serving sizes (take that, Big Grab!)
• tally of calories that’s printed in big, bold, beautiful type so you won’t need your reading glasses to see what you’re getting into
• new-and-improved footnote requirements to remind you that all daily-allowance info is based on a 2,000-calorie diet (incidentally, 2,000 calories a day would puff me up like Violet Beauregarde in no time)
• and, most importantly, a separate section that identifies “added sugars.”

Woo hoo! We’re all gonna know how much sugar is in our latte now. Kind of.

So I loved these labels and was giddy excited when I found out they were going to be a thing back in the days of the dinosaur, or as calendars would see it, November 2016. But some shit went down then that I still don’t understand, and the end result was that the labels that were s’posed to happen in 2017 or ’18 didn’t become a requirement until 2020-21 because some sugar peeps (industry groups, etc.) got kinda whiny. This WAPO piece explains a lot.

Regardless, the labels, with some modifications and some exceptions did finally happen. And now we can all gleefully count exactly how much added sugar we’re cramming in our pieholes because we only eat processed foods now. Or something like that. Whatever. These labels are a start…

Until, of course, you add up all the WHAT THE FUCKS? that are hiding behind them. I’ve collected my 5 very favorite WTF facts about the new FDA nutrition labels. And the best news? Each one makes all the good intentions that bore these labels just … a bit more fruitless.

• First, the FDA is cool with some of the info being wrong. FDA labeling includes allowable variance between any food item tested for compliance and what’s listed on that item’s label. How much variation? Up to 20% more or less than listed. This only applies to certain categories of nutrients shown: sugars, total fat, saturated fat, cholesterol, and sodium. Plus 20% isn’t a big deal, right? It’s sort of like 5’ 2” and 115 pound me declaring that I’m actually 6’ 2.4” or a scant 92 pounds or even both. How many more Hallmark Christmas movies do we need before we realize that’s it’s just the thought that counts?
• Second, we don’t need the whole truth. Manufacturers can round down on labels, so 4.46 grams of added sugar can be shown as simply 4 grams; 6.46 grams is just 6 grams, 20.47 grams is just 20 grams, and 0.49 grams is simply 0. Why bog people down with icky math like percentages? They hit a little too close to fractions and we don’t do those so well.
• Third, sugar itself don’t actually contain ANY added sugar. Labels for single-ingredient added sugars, for example, maple syrup, white sugar, evaporated cane juice, or even just pure fruit juice or fruit juice concentrate (oops, that’s a gotcha!) only need to list “total sugars,” since we’re all pretty great at taking control of our diets and health and obviously know these should be tabulated as “added sugars” anyway.
• Fourth, ha ha!!!! No one is actually tabulating any of this shit! That’s another GOTCHA!
• Fifth, when you’re out and about, added sugars and other nutrients just don’t matter! Honestly, why kill a good time? Single-serving packets of add-ons like catsup, fry sauce, or even table sugar don’t need a nutrition label. Neither does any food with a package area of less than 12 inches. Nutrition only matters when there’s space available. Plus, does anyone really need to worry about the 6 grams of added sugar in that adorable grape jelly package that’s about to spurt its contents onto one half of a bagel? Don’t we have enough other stuff to worry about … like what are we going to put on the other half? (Look at us using our fractions.)

Want more? Small food manufacturers don’t need to comply. And that thing about added sugars in our vanilla latte? If you go to a restaurant with fewer than 20 locations, odds are good you won’t find that info because they don’t need to provide nutritional info. And if the chain has 20 or more locations? They still don’t need to list added sugars — just total sugars. So no, you still won’t be able to determine the grams of added sugars in that latte or macchiato.

Eh, nothing’s perfect. Damn good thing we live in a country where people just make damn good decisions, right?